Day 37: Remember The Time... I Was Funny

I'm an idiot, and I'm not afraid to be one. I say quite possibly the most moronic things you will hear. The funny part is, I don't care. I love making people laugh. If I have to make a fool out of myself, I'm all for it. Whatever will get someone comfortable is fine by me.

I consider myself a pretty witty person, and I love word play. Other times I say things under my breath but just loud enough for one or two people to hear me. I also love ridiculous sounding ideas, sentences, faces and sounds. You're talking to a person who has actually said the following:

- You wanna know something about this blanket? It has two sides
- I forget how much I like working with my hands when I'm not jerking off.
- This cab is quite possibly the worst time machine ever. It only takes you into the future in one minute increments.
- No one remembers someone that spits in their face. Anyone can spit in your face. Once you spit on someone's neck though, that's memorable. 
- I'm pretty good at not raping. Look! I'm doing it right now.

Yes, dear reader, these were actual sentences... said out loud...during an actual conversation. It's an understatement to say that I love having ridiculous conversations. I often try to drive a conversation in that direction because I love seeing how people react. Will they ignore me (the usual result)? Will they chuckle and look at me oddly (also the usual)? Will they laugh hysterically (more often than not)? Or will they humor me and play the conversation out (my favorite)?

Remember the time that I was actually funny? Well, you may but the people in this story do not. Not all too long ago, I was at a wine tasting party. There were different hams, cheeses and crackers. I made a wise crack about how I should've just brought Lunchables because it's cheaper and has the same things. Crickets. All crickets. WTF people that was gold! The rest of the night was more of the same. I simply could not say anything funny. And need I remind you, I'm a fucking hoot. Eventually I just got serious and talked about the wine, but that made the night quite long and ever more boring. At least I got to eat an ass load of ham.