Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Day 21: What Did Batman Say To Robin

Holy Wrong Number Batman! This Calculator Is Not A Phone!

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? 

Some of life’s most complicated questions have the simplest answers. Take the question, “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” The answer is the chicken, which is why he needed to cross the road. He was looking for an escape route. Clearly staying on the same street as the crime would get him caught in a matter of seconds. Who sticks around at the scene of the crime unless you're a serial killer or arsonist? It's Criminology 101.

Another seemingly complex question is, "Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?" The answer is simple. Confusion.

When the telephone keypad first came out, it was a marvel of technology. No longer did anyone have to sit an extra 20 seconds for the rotor on a traditional phone. And forget about dialing out of area. What used to take a full minute to dial could now be done in less than 8 seconds; 10 if you didn’t have the phone number memorized. 

Another technological breakthrough was advent of the calculator which replaced the abacus. No one had to deal with that annoying rattling sound or confuse their math instruments with strange Arabian sex toys or Inuit back massagers. Now people simply had to type in numbers and this the equals signs.

Because people were far, far stupider back then, they would simply get confused as to which instrument is which. Sometimes they would pick up a calculator and try to make a phone call. They would of course not get any response. That would not stop them, however, from sending a, angry letter to the phone company asking why their phone is out of service. They would, in turn, receive a reply 2-3 weeks later saying that their phone lines were indeed working. I mean, we’re talking about people who thought deodorant shouldn’t be invented yet, streets don't need to be paved even though it's easier to dribble a basketball on hard ground and wood is clearly a better medium for tooth replacement than veneer.

Since the one phone company was getting inundated with mail, they decided to strike a deal with the calculator council known as C.O.C.K at the time. (Council of Calculators Kentucky) Calculators were now to have their number reversed from telephones. This would end the confusion. In exchange, the phone companies would not include a “Tip Calculator” on their future cellular phones until at least the year 2000. Consequently, this also ended the feud between the Hetfields and the Mccoys because both families were too confused about using either to fight anymore. Calculators and phones – technologies of peace.

My Partner In Crime's Response:

My PICs response is a completely logical one - people are stupid. They were stupid back then to confuse a telephone with a calculator and they're stupid now to confuse venomous snakes with the harmless variety or botox with actual human facial expressions.
 
But the real reason the numbers were switched is as follows: The telephone was invented first, so Alexander Graham Bell had first dibs on how he wanted the numbers placed. Naturally, he chose to put the numbers left to right - the way we read - beginning with the number 1. He was smart enough to invent the telephone; and obviously was smart enough to know where the numbers should logically be placed.
 
The inventor of the calculator, however, was practically the polar opposite of the older, wiser Bell. He was a dorky kid fresh out of MIT whose life experience is contained within the confines of the pages of mathematics textbooks. This kid seriously needed a chick in his life - and for much more than her having to point out to him that it is extremely juvenile to put the numbers of the calculator in reverse because when one types "55378008" and reverses the direction of the calculator (i.e. turns it upside down) the numbers spell "boobless."
 
So why are the numbers on a phone and calculator reversed? Because the phone companies want to deal with as few idiots as possible and because some immature dork was seriously in need of a good lay.

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