Day 7: What Did Batman Say To Robin? The Underpants Edition

Today is Tuesday, a rather innocuous day, a day that no one really cares about, a day that doesn't mean much to most people. It's a day that doesn't really have any type of feel because it's not the start or middle of the week. It's not the end of the week nor is it payday or non-payday. "What's today? Thursday? Yes! I get paid today!" or "What's today? Thursday? I get paid today! Wait a second. No I don't. Fuck me!" Tuesday is just Tuesday which is why it's "What Did Batman Say To Robin" Day.

Tuesdays will now pose the tough questions no one is willing to ask, the hard fought political, emotional, and philosophical questions that we often find ourselves too afraid to ask. The challenging questions and arguments far too racy and in your face that you will ask yourself "Did they really just say that?!?" or "Did  I really just read that entire post? Really?!?!" They'll be met with an answer followed by response/rebuttal.

So why title? Simple. What did Batman say to Robin before they got into they batmobile to fight crime? Answer, "Hey Robin! Get in the car." Response. Awesome.. simply awesome. Question. Answer. Response.

Today on What Did Batman Say To Robin?

Question - Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

 

notice the pointing to the crotchle region

Answer - Before we start, we must take note of the operative word "superhero" which is the male counterpart to a super-heroin. Super-heroins only wear underwear because 1. they have nicer legs. 2. they shave their nicer legs and 3. woman look much better in skimpies. Imagine a man in a bikini bottom. I know I have. I have not, but I meant you other people. Totally. You other people.

Now, onto the pressing question. This question can be answered in one word. A rich cocktail of homosexual tendencies mixed avid bike riding. Ever notice how the uber-flamboyant homosexuals (which will now be referred to as UFH) consciously or unconsciously attract attention to themselves through their style or choice of clothes?

Ie, someone who was not me saw what I thought was a lanky, stylish female from behind. I somehow Someone who was not me saw the exact same outfit in Urban Outfitters on a female mannequin and therefore thought it was a woman. Someone who was not me found myself walking closer and then bam! Person turned around. Guess what? Not so much a girl. Someone who was not me said to myself, "You know? You're very much a dude. There is definitely way too much penis in that outfit for that person to be a woman."

This is relative I swear.

Moving on, inside every superhero is a gay man too scared to come out of the closet. The similarities are uncanny (like the X-Men. Get it? The popular comic "The Uncanny X-Men"):

1 - Why else would Batman hang around a teenage boy so much? In their underwear no less! "Fighting crime is a simply way to get the adrenaline pumping and the sweat pouring over a glistening forehead. Sweat drips down the face, a hand reaches over with a cool cloth, electricity, the love making regions of their bodies smile.

2 - Wearing their underwear on the outside is like a mating peacock in heat. It's a mentality of "Hey look at me! Look at me!" UFH's like the one above can show off their trendy yet undeniably female fashion sense. Superheroes share in this similar sense of recognition. Hey, that person is wearing their underwear on the outside. He must be a superhero! Also, ever notice how the colors are ALWAYS well coordinated?

Plus it brings attention to their crotch. In the famous words of my own personal hero (perhaps you can guess), when attention was called to his crotch, "Don't act like you're not impressed." Which is why I, myself, do not wear my underwear on the outside. Besides having no practical superpowers, the attention to my crotchle region would be rather unimpressive. I've been told. I used a potato once. Somehow, though, I think I should've had it in the front. I'm still pondering.

3 - Avid bike riding. What real biker wears baggy clothes, jeans, or even loose shorts. I don't know any. The attire is always very tight. Also Superheroes need to stay in shape. It's simple convenience. I'm already wearing the right outfit. I need to stay in shape. Here's a bike! Perfect! I don't need to change now! I also believe that is the most amount of exclamation points I have ever used in a single paragraph.


My Partner In Crime's Response:

My response: It sucks that underwear is almost always so freaking adorable, yet very few people actually get to see it on someone else as opposed to in the drawers at Victoria's Secret. Underwear comes in every color and pattern with plenty of styles and fabrics, and you never have to worry about matching your underwear with your outfit (you really only have to make sure you're wearing the right style for your outfit, and the color only matters if you're wearing white pants).

I may look professional at work on the outside, but I'm the only one who knows I'm wearing underwear with The Simpsons characters on it (yes, I do have a pair). And while wearing my Simpsons, red plaid, or lime green underwear over my work clothes would definitely land me in the hot seat with Human Resources, who would have the gall to tell superheroes what an "appropriate" outfit is to fight crime and/or save lives? If they're using their power for good, then who cares whether they're wearing their underwear on the outside of their clothes, boots in the summertime, or a wig and a fake plastic mustache?

It's the bad guys who just look ridiculous. I mean how can you take someone trying to destroy or take over the world seriously when they're wearing red underwear on the outside of their clothes? You are about to launch seven rockets to obliterate every single continent at the same time and thus destroying the world? Sure you are. Probably right after you pick that wedgie I see that you have in those tighty-whities.

So why do superheroes wear underwear on the outside of their clothes? Because they're badass enough to pull it off. Plus they're usually in adorable colors, so why wouldn't they want to show 'em off?