Holy Itinerary Batman! I Think I've Developed A Cold Sore After Entering The Paris Hilton Through The Backdoor!
Paris Hilton, oh Paris Hilton. Life's version of New Jersey. You are perhaps one of the most recognizable celebutards. Today's theme is: A Day In The Life Of Paris Hilton.
6:00 am – wake up
6:10 am – remember to open eyes
6:15 am – look at self in mirror
6:45 am – take shower while still looking at self in mirror
7: 45 am – have coffee and breakfast. Make phone calls to personal assistant about how pretty I am.
8:10 am – put on clothes
8:12 am – morning bodily solid extrusion (take a shit)
8:45 am – work out.
8:50 am – finish working out and go to mall.
9:00 am – be waste of space
11:00 am – get vag waxed to keep pretty and figure out what that smell is.
11:30 am – hang at pool, tan, and grab a few drinks
11:45 am – go into pool
11:46 am – wonder why people left pool as soon as I entered. (I think of the standard philosophy is; one I enter the pool, everyone’s got whatever I have from my pretty but most likely bed bug and whatever else ridden vag)
12:00 pm – leave pool and watch people re-enter as the life guards strangely test the water for STDs.
12:30 pm – meet Nicky for “lunch” aka I get to eat a few crackers.
12:32 pm – go home for a nap because it’s been a long day and I’ve done so much productive stuff already *smilez
3:00 pm – after nap brush teeth and make sex tape that no one will ever find or post on the internet.
3:30 pm – gargle with mouth wash and hide sex tape. Have more sex and have a cracker and drink some Gatorade while looking at myself in the mirror.
4:15 pm – after done looking at self in mirror, put on clothes and think about life.
4:17 pm – my brain hurts now.
4:50 pm – put on clothes
6:00 pm – wash vagina (don’t forget to take off pants).
6:45 pm – after vagina finally scrubbed, figure out what that smell is.
8:00 pm – call bff and find dog. Haven’t seen him for about a week.
8:30 pm – found dog in shopping bag.
8:31 pm – call bff. Tell her to buy me new dog. This one’s broken or dead or something. *note – dogs need food also.
8:45 pm – play with new dog and figure out its new name.
9:45 pm – put Big Daddy Diesel (new Chihuahua) in my new bag. *note – do not forget dog. Again.
10:00 pm – talk about sex tape and what I did with bff
10:30 pm – arrive at club and drink face off. Make sure at least 14 people see vagina.
11:30 pm – 72 people have seen vagina
11:33 pm – 92 now
12:00 am – face has been drunken off. I am missing a shoe, holding 3 shoes that are not mine, one of which has vomit that is hopefully mine, and I’m wearing pants that aren’t mine. Getting ready to go to diner.
1:00 am – order late night snack of crackers (not white people)
2:00 am – continue sex tape that no one will ever find or post on the internet for free
3:00 am – get ready for bed.
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